Today is the day. Today we receive PET scan results. Today, after three years of being symptom-free and in remission, my son faces the recurrence of melanoma. A meeting with his primary care physician last week revealed “activity spots” in three locations. A meeting today with his oncologist will provide details, and, hopefully, information about a treatment plan. “At least it’s not in my liver – that would pretty much be it,” Grant informs me on the phone. “Once it’s in the liver or the lungs, it’s untreatable. I’d talk with you longer, but I’m baking. I’m making cornbread for our office picnic tomorrow, and Natalia is coming over to take me out to dinner. I love you, Mom.” Life goes on. Thankfully.
I have been living with the recurrence information for several
weeks, trying to adjust to it, but having a hard time. Although I know there's
a center of strength and peace within me, I've had trouble finding it, trouble residing
there. Waves of sadness wash over me. I feel helpless, powerless, out of
control. Negative thoughts keep flitting through my mind like the
pestering plague of Albuquerque
The Spiritual Adventuress is currently participating in the 21-Day
Meditation Challenge, "Miraculous Relationships," offered by Deepak
Chopra and Oprah Winfrey. Yesterday, I decided to return to blogging
after a hiatus and began writing a post about relationships as mirrors. Today’s centering
thought is “The world is my mirror.” Chopra says when we
recognize we can see ourselves in others, every relationship becomes a
tool for the evolution of our consciousness. The synchronicity reminds me I am
not alone. I am in the divine flow.
It has long been my spiritual practice to ask, whenever I
make a statement about another person, "How is that true about me?" I
don't always like what I see. This week, when I sent property information to a
real estate contact, a reply came back that it looked pretty good "if it's
not a scam." My reaction, definitely not a response, was "Don't even
go there. What you think about, you bring about." Negative thinking brings
about negative experiences. It didn't take long for me to see my reflection in
the mirror, swatting away pesky flies. “In order to transform that which no
longer serves us into what we truly desire in our hearts, we must embrace both
the dark and the light of who we are,” says Chopra. Mirror, mirror on the wall,
who’s the fairest of them all? That would be you. Mirror, mirror on the wall,
who’s the least fair of them all? That would also be you. I am grateful the
mirror's reflection gave me a chance to choose again. It really served me.
Masaru Emoto's scientific experiments photographing water crystals
were mentioned in another day's meditation. When positive thoughts and
emotions, such as love, appreciation, happiness and truth were focused on
samples of distilled water, the molecules formed delicate, symmetrical,
crystalline shapes. Water samples exposed to negative thoughts filled with
hatred and hostility displayed chaotic, fragmented structures. It is startling to
think of this in relation to the fact that 60-70% of the human body consists of
water. Meditation suggested I send Grant my copy of Emoto's book, The
Hidden Messages in Water, which I read several years ago. When I went to my
bookshelf to find the book, the first book I touched was Viktor Frankl's Man's
Search for Meaning, in which he says our ultimate freedom, which can never
be taken away, is our freedom to choose how we will respond to the situation in
which we find ourselves. Again, the synchronicity reminds me I am not alone. I
am in the divine flow. The universe is communicating with me.
Looking into the mirror of my son, I see someone freely and
powerfully choosing his response to a challenging situation. I see someone
pragmatic with courage and equanimity. I see someone living his life fully, baking cornbread for a
picnic, going to dinner with a friend. “I admire your
great attitude and appreciate your being a role model for me,” I tell him. “Thank
you,” he says. He is my teacher and my student. I am his teacher and his
student. We are reflections of each other in the mirror of relationships.
"We do not see things as they are. We see them as we are." -The Talmud
"We do not see things as they are. We see them as we are." -The Talmud
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