TEXT: I’m in for blood again at the
hospital. Record low 6.2
Since the average
hemoglobin score for an adult male is 15, my son Grant's score is
dangerously low. When we talk, he lets me know, “I’m angry. I’m angry the
cancer is back. I’ve been staying home and not doing anything. I just figure,
why bother?” “There are a lot of people who want you to bother,” I tell him. “I
know,” he responds.
Our continuing discussion reveals Grant feels the extremely difficult
treatment he underwent three years ago with interleukin-2, which has a long
list of horrendous side effects and is so toxic it is rarely used, was
pointlessly endured. Discussing the situation with his girlfriend, Natalia,
brought clarity. The anger led to feeling “what’s the point,” which led to not
taking care of himself, which led to low hemoglobin from blood loss due to his
bleeding ulcer. Aren’t we complicated?
“I’d really like you and Natalia to get to know each other better,”
Grant tells me. Change, change and more change. I met her in June and know
she’s really important to him. He’s never said that about anyone before. Since
there seems to be so much at stake in so many ways, I feel really vulnerable. I
really want her to like and accept me and am fearful she might not.
“I need to be proactive and set up a schedule for receiving blood,”
Grant says. I look in the mirror of my son and ask, “How will I be proactive in
taking care of myself?” (See “Mirror, Mirror. . .” post on 8/19/13). I call a friend for support and coaching. Ask and
receive.
The universe provides coaching and support throughout the day, first at
my Sunday spiritual center. As I walk in the door, I hear the affirmation for
the day: “I use my energy for constructive purposes.” Then we sing the
meditation song:
I
send my love over the mountains,
I
send my love over the sea,
I
send my love into the heavens, and it returns to me.
I send my love to Grant and Natalia. I know I must give what I want to
receive. If all things are connected, I am giving to myself. The morning talk
is about steps for improving mental well-being. The first step is connection,
or relationships. “Relationships help us stay awake,” the speaker says. “We are
all scared. We all want to be loved, liked, supported.” Suggestions follow for
moving from scared to sacred.
During hospitality time, I extend love and support to two friends facing health
challenges. I leave feeling renewed. At a support group meeting later in the
day, I share my concerns about my son’s health and his new relationship ending
with “I don’t know what to do.” The reading for the week tells me exactly what
to do: meditate, pray, intuition, trust, ask and receive. I leave feeling
centered with a practical plan of action. Now, all I need to do is follow it.
And, I do.
This morning, in meditation, it all comes together when I listen to the
Oprah/Chopra “Perfect Health” CD. The centering thought for the day is “I
cherish my every connection.” Ahhh. There it is.
Ask and receive. Here is the guideline for creating the relationship I desire
with Grant’s girlfriend. The mantra for the day is Tat Tvam Asi, “I see the other in myself and
myself in others.” By practicing these principles until they are part of my
consciousness, an integral part of my being, I can relax and trust I am
creating the relationship I want. On the CD, Oprah says, “As social beings,
which we all are, we need to feel deeply connected with others to thrive.
Connection, in its many forms, is essential for our overall well-being.” She
goes on to say that in all the years of the Oprah show, one of the things she
learned was “the number one common denominator in the human experience” is “we
all want to know that we are seen and heard.” Deepak Chopra adds when we
socialize and connect with one another “. . .we are doing wonderful things for
our brains and cardiovascular systems.”
A
good-sized toad, hunkering down in the corner, between my front doormat and the
wall, brings the lesson home. Its amphibious nature, or ability to live in two
worlds, is symbolized by its position right at the threshold between the
interior/exterior of my house (consciousness) and represents my
physical/spiritual, human/divine aspects. In Animal
Speak, author Ted Andrews says toads “. .
. reflect a need to learn to use the emotional energies (water) constructively
(land).” Laughing, I think that sounds vaguely familiar. Since Spirit is everywhere
present, it can speak through a rock, a garden toad or hot air balloons
overhead. The question is “Do I listen?” And, more than that, “Do I apply what
I’ve heard?” “Do I continue to practice what I’ve learned until I integrate it
and it becomes part of my being?” If not, I might as well have not heard it.
Then I’m saying to the universe, to myself, “Why bother?”
