This week I received an email from someone who has known me for more than 50 years asking me the question I’m asked most frequently: “How could, or why would, you move to New Mexico?” Here’s how she expressed it: “I thought about you all night. Why, at this point in your life, have you moved away from Bill and even Grant? My Elizabeth is pregnant, and I wouldn't think about being anywhere else. Pregnancy is quite common. What Grant has been through isn't! You are such a brave and independent woman, but....”
She of course meant, why did I move 893 miles away from my son, and only child, who recently completed treatment for melanoma? She and I were teenagers together in the youth group at the First Baptist Church of Garden Grove where her parents were our group leaders. I left the church at 18, unable to believe babies not baptized were destined for hell along with Methodists, who sprinkled, instead of immersing like Baptists. “Two paths diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one less traveled by…” How could an esoteric metaphysician communicate clearly with a fundamentalist Christian about core values? All I could do was seek common ground when I wrote back to her.
Bill and I have been divorced for 29 years. We are friends. We call each other on birthdays and holidays. When we divorced, we divorced each other, we did not divorce Grant. Fortunately, we were both mature enough at the time to place Grant’s needs first and make sure he still had two parents. Both of us were with him during his treatment at UCLA. Bill lives in the L.A. area; I lived in Santa Barbara, a little over an hour away. We might see each other once or twice a year. Friends and family members say of us, “You and Bill have done divorce better than anyone else we know.” Still, why would I ever let the whereabouts of my ex-husband determine where I live or how I live my life? It’s not even a consideration for me.
These are my beliefs and opinions. This is my understanding based on my own spiritual journey. This is how I have made my decisions, why I live my life as I do. It is my soul journey. I recognize the inherent perfection of each person’s soul journey for them.
Moving away from Grant has been easier this time, the second time, because I’ve had practice. Lessons I’ve learned and understandings I’ve gained on my path have enabled me to move forward.
“But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” (Matthew 6:33) In the hierarchy of my personal values, my relationship with God has always come first in my life, next my relationship with my spouse, then my relationship with my child. My child has his own life to live. It is not my life but his life. My job is to love and support him while he is on his own spiritual journey, following his own soul path. Spiritual practice is part of my life – prayer, meditation, contemplation, listening to guidance and intuition. My actions are based on these practices and the information I receive from them.
"He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; and he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me (and is in no way fit to enter into the kingdom of heaven).” (Matthew 10:37) In 1997, I left Grant, and everything else, when I moved from San Clemente to Santa Barbara to start a church. After I let go of my business, home, church, friends, community, I was still having trouble with one last letting go - my son. When I shared that difficulty with my mentor, Unity minister Edwene Gaines, she said, “I’m going to give you a hard lesson.” She then quoted Matthew 10:37. It’s another way of saying God must come first in your life. So I let go, left my son and moved to Santa Barbara. He subsequently moved to Santa Barbara to live with me while attending UCSB, but neither of us knew that would be the outcome at the time the decision was made and the action taken.
To be continued next week…
