I’ve stayed with six different friends along the way – with some a few days or weeks; with others, one to four months. I’m really grateful for their generosity, love and support. I’m really grateful to have six friends who would take me in! I feel like I’ve had a crash course in relationships. Tom Hopkins, real estate trainer extraordinaire, says, “There are only two times you ever really know someone - when you marry them, or you rent to them.” Although I’ve known some of the friends for 25-30 years, I was shocked to learn how little I really knew about them. Only when I lived with them did I really experience what it was like to be in their world. Only when I lived with them could I look into the mirror they held up for me to see new things about myself.
For many years, as a real estate broker, I would preview new properties on the market mid-week when Realtors promote their listings to other Realtors. My colleagues and I would see up to 21 homes in three hours. I was a lot younger then! Afterward, I would feel really tired and need a nap. It was hard for me to understand why I would be so tired after just “looking at houses.” A number of years into my career, another Realtor gave me the best explanation for the phenomenon I had ever heard. “Terranda, every time you go into someone’s home, you are entering their consciousness (state of mind and emotions). On caravan, you are doing that 21 times in three hours. No wonder you’re tired.” A spiritual teacher later confirmed this for me when she said, “House is consciousness.”
What my house says about me has changed over the years as I have changed. Now, a heart-shaped, hemp doormat welcomes guests to my home. I want them to feel loved when they visit me. This is such a clear, strong intention, when the mat wore out, I requested a replacement as a Christmas gift. One friend looked on the internet to find the mat; another purchased it from a store in Wisconsin. My conscious choice is to have my home be a warm, welcoming, nurturing, beautiful, peaceful sanctuary surrounded by gardens. It hasn’t always been that way. Once, when I was depressed for several months, it was dark, dirty, closed and in a state of disarray. I had no energy to take care of it or myself.
My Albuquerque journey has placed me in an old adobe home, new condo, single-family residence, manufactured home, Mediterranean and contemporary homes, single and two-storey homes, with and without cats and a dog. Each one tells a different story. If your home were writing this post, what would it say about itself?
Living in close contact with another person brings stuff up – both mine and theirs. I’m learning so much about myself. What do I really value? People or things? How attached am I to having or doing things my way? Foil or no foil on that baked potato? What’s negotiable with me? Which values? What’s not? What am I attached to? Where can I let go? Am I in touch with my needs? What about theirs? Can I speak up in a loving way when there is confrontation without making the other person wrong?
I’m practicing. Sometimes I’m more adept at it than others. Paying attention, having a clear, conscious intention, and being willing to take responsibility guide me through. My values are my touchstones. Is my heart open? Do I have an agenda? If so, can I get off it? When I go to bed at night and ask myself, “Is there anyone I’ve left out of my heart today?” is the answer “yes,” or “no?”
Blurbs from the Burque:
- Regularly-recurring freeway signs: “Move crash vehicles from travel lanes.”
- Upkeep costs: Woman’s haircut, color, highlights: Albuquerque - $85; Montecito - $185.
