Courage Is My Word

“Courage has no guarantees, or certain outcomes.

 It is a risk taken on an unknown path.

 Courage brings about change. Growth is dependent on courage.

 I procrastinate out of fear of failure. Have I enough courage to examine that fear?”   

                                                                                                         – For Today

This week, prompted by the above quotation in a support group, the Spiritual Adventuress had an opportunity to write about courage and the fears she is encountering at her growing edge – body, relationship, writing. Beginning sentences with “I’m afraid I won’t know how…” or “I’m afraid I won’t be successful at…” revealed the path of growth, reminding her of where she needed to go, reminding her what spiritual teachers told her a long time ago.

“Where don’t you want to go? Go there. What don’t you want to do? Do that.”  By asking those questions, Val Jon Faris, co-facilitator of The Mastery, an in-depth, personal growth seminar, was shining light on the path which would require courage and bring about change. The last place I wanted to go was to sit next to Val Jon, so I did. The last thing I wanted to do was to ask for help, so I did. For me, feeling as helpless, powerless and out of control as I did in my family of origin was to be avoided at all cost, so I asked Val Jon and Cynthia if they would help me through the workshop process. Going where I didn’t want to go, and doing what I didn’t want to do, transformed my life. Now, twenty-two years later, whenever I face a difficult decision, I still ask myself those questions. The answers show me what to do next.

At the completion of The Mastery, participants were invited to choose a word to guide them, a word they would be and become. “Truth,” I said, soon adding “with compassion.” Two years later, I changed it to “Courage.” Cynthia said, “I think that will really serve you, Terranda.” It was a huge understatement. Courage accompanied me through my son’s life-threatening illness. It moved me from California to New Mexico where I had no friends, no family, no job, no place to live – but where I discovered my writing group and teachers. It joined me on a spiritual pilgrimage to Peru where it helped make decisions about participation in a shamanic journey.

Courage is still my word. Now, I am calling on courage to help me surrender in areas where I want to grow. To surrender, as in give up, old ideas, thoughts, beliefs and behaviors that are comfortable friends, life-long companions who cannot accompany me to the Promised Land, the unknown terrain of fulfilled dreams ahead. Like Moses, they have brought me this far, but they cannot take me where I want to go. To do that I must rely on an obsolete meaning of courage: “The heart, as the source of emotion,” in addition to the traditional meanings of courage: having the confidence to act in accordance with one’s beliefs; the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain. The French word coeur, or heart, is the root word of courage, the terrain of intuition and feeling. The Mastery gave me access to my feelings, my emotions. Before then, I lived in my head. It took more than ten years to integrate what I learned so I could not only identify what I was feeling, in the moment, but also express it.

At aquacise today, I experienced Mastery’s precious gift. A friend asked about my recent trip to California. I told her about the magical experience my son Grant and I had seeing thousands and thousands of dolphins on a whale watching trip for his birthday. Migrating humpback whales breached, rolled over, showing us their pectoral fins, their tails. They swam under our boat, literally five feet away. I told her how happy I was to meet Grant’s girlfriend of six months, to learn they are enjoying each other. Tears came when I shared my concerns that his past treatment for melanoma might keep someone from taking the risk of being in relationship with him, loving him, marrying him, having children with him because of the possibility of losing him. She immediately hugged me. "What’s the matter? What’s wrong?” two other women asked, swimming over. Hearing the story, they both hugged me too. “Thank you for sharing that,” said one. Courage, the heart as source of emotion, gives me access to my feelings in the moment, connecting me authentically with others in relationship. I know courage will take me the rest of the way, guiding me through the unknown. Courage will help me surrender. Courage will manifest my dreams.