Tat Tvam Asi

TEXT:  I’m in for blood again at the hospital. Record low 6.2 

 

Since the average hemoglobin score for an adult male is 15, my son Grant's score is dangerously low. When we talk, he lets me know, “I’m angry. I’m angry the cancer is back. I’ve been staying home and not doing anything. I just figure, why bother?” “There are a lot of people who want you to bother,” I tell him. “I know,” he responds.

Our continuing discussion reveals Grant feels the extremely difficult treatment he underwent three years ago with interleukin-2, which has a long list of horrendous side effects and is so toxic it is rarely used, was pointlessly endured. Discussing the situation with his girlfriend, Natalia, brought clarity. The anger led to feeling “what’s the point,” which led to not taking care of himself, which led to low hemoglobin from blood loss due to his bleeding ulcer. Aren’t we complicated?

“I’d really like you and Natalia to get to know each other better,” Grant tells me. Change, change and more change. I met her in June and know she’s really important to him. He’s never said that about anyone before. Since there seems to be so much at stake in so many ways, I feel really vulnerable. I really want her to like and accept me and am fearful she might not.

“I need to be proactive and set up a schedule for receiving blood,” Grant says. I look in the mirror of my son and ask, “How will I be proactive in taking care of myself?” (See “Mirror, Mirror. . .” post on 8/19/13). I call a friend for support and coaching. Ask and receive.

The universe provides coaching and support throughout the day, first at my Sunday spiritual center. As I walk in the door, I hear the affirmation for the day: “I use my energy for constructive purposes.” Then we sing the meditation song:

I send my love over the mountains,

I send my love over the sea,

I send my love into the heavens, and it returns to me.

I send my love to Grant and Natalia. I know I must give what I want to receive. If all things are connected, I am giving to myself. The morning talk is about steps for improving mental well-being. The first step is connection, or relationships. “Relationships help us stay awake,” the speaker says. “We are all scared. We all want to be loved, liked, supported.” Suggestions follow for moving from scared to sacred. During hospitality time, I extend love and support to two friends facing health challenges. I leave feeling renewed. At a support group meeting later in the day, I share my concerns about my son’s health and his new relationship ending with “I don’t know what to do.” The reading for the week tells me exactly what to do: meditate, pray, intuition, trust, ask and receive. I leave feeling centered with a practical plan of action. Now, all I need to do is follow it. And, I do.

This morning, in meditation, it all comes together when I listen to the Oprah/Chopra “Perfect Health” CD. The centering thought for the day is “I cherish my every connection.” Ahhh. There it is. Ask and receive. Here is the guideline for creating the relationship I desire with Grant’s girlfriend. The mantra for the day is Tat Tvam Asi, “I see the other in myself and myself in others.” By practicing these principles until they are part of my consciousness, an integral part of my being, I can relax and trust I am creating the relationship I want. On the CD, Oprah says, “As social beings, which we all are, we need to feel deeply connected with others to thrive. Connection, in its many forms, is essential for our overall well-being.” She goes on to say that in all the years of the Oprah show, one of the things she learned was “the number one common denominator in the human experience” is “we all want to know that we are seen and heard.” Deepak Chopra adds when we socialize and connect with one another “. . .we are doing wonderful things for our brains and cardiovascular systems.”

A good-sized toad, hunkering down in the corner, between my front doormat and the wall, brings the lesson home. Its amphibious nature, or ability to live in two worlds, is symbolized by its position right at the threshold between the interior/exterior of my house (consciousness) and represents my physical/spiritual, human/divine aspects. In Animal Speak, author Ted Andrews says toads “. . . reflect a need to learn to use the emotional energies (water) constructively (land).” Laughing, I think that sounds vaguely familiar. Since Spirit is everywhere present, it can speak through a rock, a garden toad or hot air balloons overhead. The question is “Do I listen?” And, more than that, “Do I apply what I’ve heard?” “Do I continue to practice what I’ve learned until I integrate it and it becomes part of my being?” If not, I might as well have not heard it. Then I’m saying to the universe, to myself, “Why bother?”