Kissed by a Shaman

“Es un regalo para usted, con un corazon lleno,” I said to the shaman, holding out to him a dark green gift box of loose, pouch tobacco with both hands, bowing as I met him. With spontaneous, childlike delight, the ninety-year-old shaman kissed me on the cheek, the white stubble of his beard scraping my face. I awoke this morning thinking of the ayahuasca ceremony I attended with Don Ignacio, knowing the Spiritual Adventuress needed to write about it this week, still not knowing why. What I said to him in Spanish was, “It is a gift for you, with a full heart.” My heart was filled with gratitude for the spiritual journey he would take us on that evening in the Amazon jungle in Peru. Today’s quotation for the 21-Day Perfect Health Meditation Challenge with Deepak Chopra and Oprah is from Carl Jung: "Your visions will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes."  We were with Don Ignacio to look inside, to see visions, to awake.

Ayahuasca is an herbal tea made from a jungle vine. It is called “the teacher plant” for the knowledge, both personal and cosmic, it brings with visions and expanded consciousness. Also called “la purga” for its purgative nature, it is almost always accompanied by vomiting and diarrhea. An entheogenic, (or hallucinogenic, or psychedelic), it connects participants with the divinity within. It has been used in sacred ceremony by indigenous people for thousands of years, but in the United States, it is a class-one, controlled substance, a serotonin uptake inhibitor that affects brain chemistry. It is to be treated with respect.

Eighteen of us, with our spiritual leader, Edwene Gaines, traveled forty-five minutes by bus into the jungle, over wood-plank bridges and streams, to reach Don Ignacio’s small village. When we climbed the steps of the thatch-roofed building where the ceremony would take place, we were handed a small bowl for purging. I decided I would release through breath instead. Thunder cracked. Lightening flashed. Rain began to fall. “In the Native American tradition, it is said that where spiritual warriors are gathered, thunder and lightening are present,” said Edwene. We would spend the night in the jungle. The bus could not navigate the mud in the dark.

We sat on the floor in a circle. The shaman’s assistant came around with a first, small dose of ayahuasca, and when it wore off, to check our reaction. He then asked if we would like more. “My teacher doesn’t recommend it,” I answered, without saying yes or no. He continued on around the circle, giving me time to process my response. I recalled she also teaches, “You must listen to your guidance.” Mine told me to take the second dose. Watching others receive the drink mindfully, prayerfully and with sacred intention, I touched the cup to each of my chakras and drank from it slowly.

While waiting the twenty to thirty minutes for it to take effect, I kept changing position and location in the circle, trying to relieve pain in my lower back. I ended up sitting in a white, plastic patio chair directly opposite the shaman. A Peruvian woman I met on Kauai selling timeshares told me she had done ayahuasca and recommended I sit up straight after taking it to avoid falling asleep. Her advice was prophetic. Everyone else fell asleep.

A woman in the tour group who was always putting her feet inside roped-off sacred areas at Machu Picchu, or on a shaman’s cloak, which I pointed out to her thinking it disrespectful, wound up at my feet that night complaining and saying she wanted to go home. “What about just being here now?” I asked. “It’s too painful,” she answered. “Embrace the pain,” I told her as a spiritual teacher once told me. Months later I realized it wasn’t disrespect, but great faith, that motivated her to put her feet where she did. She knew if she “touched the hem of the garment,” she would be healed. Feet represent understanding. My judgment needed to die so I could live from the truth of my being. She awakened me to humility, service, divine order.

The shaman began by shaking a ritual bundle of dried leaves and singing hypnotic icaros, rhythmic melodies, inviting the medicina to do its work. The visions came, visions of beautifully-patterned, undulating snakes, lush plants, tiny cartoonlike fear thoughts saying, “Tengo miedo” (“I’m afraid”) while peeking out from the folds of my intestines. Disembodied entities spoke with me as the teacher plant revealed insights, allowed me to make choices, create, heal. Jungle animals and birds outside squawked, called, making noises throughout the night. Just before dawn, the energy in the room shifted, like a motor winding down. A bat flew down from the rafters, circled the room three times, brushing the walls with its wings until it extinguished the flame of the candle in a wall sconce on its final pass, throwing the room into complete darkness. Soon, the glowing tip of the assistant shaman’s cigarette provided the only light. “It was good for me,” I said, asking, “Was it good for you?”

A glimmer at the edge of consciousness suggests writing about this now is apropos since the Peru trip was at this time of year, around Easter, a time of death and resurrection. After a guided meditation on another occasion, I told Edwene what I had seen: “I was on the Snow White ride at Disneyland, and the Wicked Witch, who had your face, held out an apple to me saying, ‘Have an apple, dearie.’ I did not understand why I had to eat a poisoned apple.” Edwene replied clearly, “You must die to live.” As I work now during this season of Lent to expand my consciousness through the meditation challenge and 4T programs, what is ready to die, what needs to be purged, is revealed. “4T” stands for Tithing of Time, Talent and Treasure for Prosperity and the Fullness of Life. It is modeled on 12-step programs, and this is the fourth week, the week to take a searching and fearless inventory of yourself.    

Through its wisdom and perfection, my body suspended all elimination and purging needs during the entire night with the shaman. Deepak Chopra said this week that the real secret to lifelong good health is the opposite of the conventional wisdom that we must take care of ourselves: “We must allow our bodies to take care of us.” It was an “aha” moment for me. My job, as I see it now, is to get out of the way, to suspend thoughts and behaviors that interfere with my body taking good care of me. This Lenten season, that is how I will die to live.