This is a continuation of last week’s posting, my response to an email question received from someone who has known me for more than 50 years asking me the question I’m asked most frequently: “How could, or why would, you move to New Mexico?” Here’s how she expressed it: “I thought about you all night. Why, at this point in your life, have you moved away from Bill and even Grant? My Elizabeth is pregnant, and I wouldn't think about being anywhere else. Pregnancy is quite common. What Grant has been through isn't! You are such a brave and independent woman, but....” She was asking how I could move 893 miles away from my son, recently treated for melanoma.
Continued…
“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” (Hebrews 11:1) “Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path.” (Psalm 119:105) This has been a journey into the unknown, one of faith, trust and surrender. Most people deny, rather than embrace, the unknown. It’s challenging, and can be terrifying, to acknowledge we live at the edge of the unknown every moment of our lives. Embracing the unknown and taking action is different from just acknowledging the unknown. It takes not only faith and trust, but also the courage to surrender to the guidance received, to act on it. The Aladdin-like oil lamps of history cast a small amount of light, only enough to reveal the next step, on the path. I have faith I will be shown the way, a step at a time. My life is about “Where the rubber hits the road,” or applying spiritual principles in the physical world.
I also believe the best way to teach my son is by example, to be a role model of how to live life – courageously listening to one’s own inner guidance, trusting one’s own knowing, instincts, intuition. While attending college and working for the Ritz-Carlton, Grant was presented with an opportunity to relocate to Florida. I saw clearly he might move far away to live his life…and that I needed to live mine.
Elisabeth Kubler Ross’ writing about wild geese, quoted in Edwene Gaines’ book, The Four Spiritual Laws of Prosperity: A Simple Guide to Unlimited Abundance, was pointed out to me by a friend leafing through it on my bookshelf as I prepared to move from Santa Barbara. I hadn’t read it yet!
How do geese know
when to fly to the sun?
Who tells them the seasons?
How do we humans know
when it is time
to move on?
As with the migrant birds,
so surely with us,
there is a voice within,
if only we would listen to it,
that tells us certainly
when to go forth
into the unknown.
My moving to New Mexico is a demonstration to Grant that I know he is healed. Grant was on many prayer lists, involved in several miracles, including the fact that he’s in the 15% of the population who respond to Interleukin-2 treatment for melanoma. He no longer needs me. He can go on with is life. What I am doing, he can do. Our lives parallel one another, are mirrors for each other. My leaving is evidence of the gift he has been given, the gift of life, and my encouragement that he accept the gift. Here is what he recently wrote on my birthday card: “Happy Birthday, Mom. Thanks so much for being there for me in one way or another over all the years, but particularly the last 3. I’m blessed to have a person like you in my life, and despite a physical separation, you are with me every day! Love, Grant.” When Grant and I want to be together, we are a two-hour and $223 airplane ride away. Once I have my own home, we’ll share face time on Skype.
I hope this gives you some understanding about how and why I was able to move to New Mexico. I can certainly understand and appreciate why the question kept you awake at night. It kept me awake at night too! For a long time. It was a decision that evolved over many years, a process. It was not simple or easy. And I’m still not sure about the “calling” or spiritual “pull” that brought me to New Mexico. What is that about? I don’t know. But I do have some “clues!” All I can do is continue my spiritual practices and respond to the guidance given. I’ll write about guidance in future blog postings. Responding to this question has been a rich experience for me. Thank you for asking. “More to be revealed,” as I always say, or, as a dear friend puts it, “Film at 11.”
If you have a question, please send it to terranda@hotmail.com
Showing posts with label faith. Show all posts
Showing posts with label faith. Show all posts
Monday, November 21, 2011
Monday, November 14, 2011
Questions That Keep You Awake at Night (or “Film at 11”) Part 1
This week I received an email from someone who has known me for more than 50 years asking me the question I’m asked most frequently: “How could, or why would, you move to New Mexico?” Here’s how she expressed it: “I thought about you all night. Why, at this point in your life, have you moved away from Bill and even Grant? My Elizabeth is pregnant, and I wouldn't think about being anywhere else. Pregnancy is quite common. What Grant has been through isn't! You are such a brave and independent woman, but....”
She of course meant, why did I move 893 miles away from my son, and only child, who recently completed treatment for melanoma? She and I were teenagers together in the youth group at the First Baptist Church of Garden Grove where her parents were our group leaders. I left the church at 18, unable to believe babies not baptized were destined for hell along with Methodists, who sprinkled, instead of immersing like Baptists. “Two paths diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one less traveled by…” How could an esoteric metaphysician communicate clearly with a fundamentalist Christian about core values? All I could do was seek common ground when I wrote back to her.
Bill and I have been divorced for 29 years. We are friends. We call each other on birthdays and holidays. When we divorced, we divorced each other, we did not divorce Grant. Fortunately, we were both mature enough at the time to place Grant’s needs first and make sure he still had two parents. Both of us were with him during his treatment at UCLA. Bill lives in the L.A. area; I lived in Santa Barbara, a little over an hour away. We might see each other once or twice a year. Friends and family members say of us, “You and Bill have done divorce better than anyone else we know.” Still, why would I ever let the whereabouts of my ex-husband determine where I live or how I live my life? It’s not even a consideration for me.
These are my beliefs and opinions. This is my understanding based on my own spiritual journey. This is how I have made my decisions, why I live my life as I do. It is my soul journey. I recognize the inherent perfection of each person’s soul journey for them.
Moving away from Grant has been easier this time, the second time, because I’ve had practice. Lessons I’ve learned and understandings I’ve gained on my path have enabled me to move forward.
“But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” (Matthew 6:33) In the hierarchy of my personal values, my relationship with God has always come first in my life, next my relationship with my spouse, then my relationship with my child. My child has his own life to live. It is not my life but his life. My job is to love and support him while he is on his own spiritual journey, following his own soul path. Spiritual practice is part of my life – prayer, meditation, contemplation, listening to guidance and intuition. My actions are based on these practices and the information I receive from them.
"He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; and he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me (and is in no way fit to enter into the kingdom of heaven).” (Matthew 10:37) In 1997, I left Grant, and everything else, when I moved from San Clemente to Santa Barbara to start a church. After I let go of my business, home, church, friends, community, I was still having trouble with one last letting go - my son. When I shared that difficulty with my mentor, Unity minister Edwene Gaines, she said, “I’m going to give you a hard lesson.” She then quoted Matthew 10:37. It’s another way of saying God must come first in your life. So I let go, left my son and moved to Santa Barbara. He subsequently moved to Santa Barbara to live with me while attending UCSB, but neither of us knew that would be the outcome at the time the decision was made and the action taken.
To be continued next week…
She of course meant, why did I move 893 miles away from my son, and only child, who recently completed treatment for melanoma? She and I were teenagers together in the youth group at the First Baptist Church of Garden Grove where her parents were our group leaders. I left the church at 18, unable to believe babies not baptized were destined for hell along with Methodists, who sprinkled, instead of immersing like Baptists. “Two paths diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one less traveled by…” How could an esoteric metaphysician communicate clearly with a fundamentalist Christian about core values? All I could do was seek common ground when I wrote back to her.
Bill and I have been divorced for 29 years. We are friends. We call each other on birthdays and holidays. When we divorced, we divorced each other, we did not divorce Grant. Fortunately, we were both mature enough at the time to place Grant’s needs first and make sure he still had two parents. Both of us were with him during his treatment at UCLA. Bill lives in the L.A. area; I lived in Santa Barbara, a little over an hour away. We might see each other once or twice a year. Friends and family members say of us, “You and Bill have done divorce better than anyone else we know.” Still, why would I ever let the whereabouts of my ex-husband determine where I live or how I live my life? It’s not even a consideration for me.
These are my beliefs and opinions. This is my understanding based on my own spiritual journey. This is how I have made my decisions, why I live my life as I do. It is my soul journey. I recognize the inherent perfection of each person’s soul journey for them.
Moving away from Grant has been easier this time, the second time, because I’ve had practice. Lessons I’ve learned and understandings I’ve gained on my path have enabled me to move forward.
“But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” (Matthew 6:33) In the hierarchy of my personal values, my relationship with God has always come first in my life, next my relationship with my spouse, then my relationship with my child. My child has his own life to live. It is not my life but his life. My job is to love and support him while he is on his own spiritual journey, following his own soul path. Spiritual practice is part of my life – prayer, meditation, contemplation, listening to guidance and intuition. My actions are based on these practices and the information I receive from them.
"He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; and he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me (and is in no way fit to enter into the kingdom of heaven).” (Matthew 10:37) In 1997, I left Grant, and everything else, when I moved from San Clemente to Santa Barbara to start a church. After I let go of my business, home, church, friends, community, I was still having trouble with one last letting go - my son. When I shared that difficulty with my mentor, Unity minister Edwene Gaines, she said, “I’m going to give you a hard lesson.” She then quoted Matthew 10:37. It’s another way of saying God must come first in your life. So I let go, left my son and moved to Santa Barbara. He subsequently moved to Santa Barbara to live with me while attending UCSB, but neither of us knew that would be the outcome at the time the decision was made and the action taken.
To be continued next week…
Monday, September 26, 2011
Moving Into a House I’ve Never Seen with a Person I’ve Never Met
“You’re what?”
“I’m moving into a house I’ve never seen with a person I’ve never met.”
“How did that happen?”
Synchronicity. That’s the one-word answer. Synchronicity and faith – that’s the three-word answer. Or maybe they’re the same. Migrating from Santa Barbara to Albuquerque, I haven’t always known what would come next, where I would land, how I would get there. But, like Elisabeth Kubler-Ross’ “Wild Geese,” I knew when it was time to go.
How do geese know
when to fly to the sun?
Who tells them the seasons?
How do we humans know
when it is time
to move on?
“I’m moving into a house I’ve never seen with a person I’ve never met.”
“How did that happen?”
Synchronicity. That’s the one-word answer. Synchronicity and faith – that’s the three-word answer. Or maybe they’re the same. Migrating from Santa Barbara to Albuquerque, I haven’t always known what would come next, where I would land, how I would get there. But, like Elisabeth Kubler-Ross’ “Wild Geese,” I knew when it was time to go.
How do geese know
when to fly to the sun?
Who tells them the seasons?
How do we humans know
when it is time
to move on?
As with the migrant birds,
so surely with us,
there is a voice within,
if only we would listen to it,
that tells us certainly
when to go forth
into the unknown.
I began packing the last week of December 2010, and moved from Santa Barbara to Tustin February 1, 2011, to stay with a friend for an agreed-upon four months. There, I rested, recovered, studied for the New Mexico broker’s exam. At first, I wasn’t aware of how much I needed the rest and recovery. But I did. My son and I had just spent sixteen months traveling back and forth to the ICU at UCLA’s medical center for his melanoma treatment. He’s fine now – in the 15% of the population who respond to Interleukin2. Only near the end of my stay did I understand my deep need to read, sleep, nap, watch TV. I realized I was recovering from PTSD, post-traumatic stress. When I passed the New Mexico broker’s exam, and the four months were up, it was clearly time to move on. Where? East. That’s all I knew.
Why Albuquerque? I felt a “calling” or spiritual “pull” to go there. The original catalyst was a real estate client with plans to build there. He offered me the listings if I would relocate. I visited twice to look at property and attend a writer’s conference. Life’s complications have made his plans uncertain, but I left Santa Barbara knowing I was to go whether he did or not. Faith. Major faith. I have not lived outside California for 64 years and have never lived so far from my 36-year-old son.
East. Head east – toward the light. About two weeks before leaving Tustin, I learned where I was going. While talking with a friend in Arizona, she said, “Why don’t you stay here? I have an extra room, a freezer full of food, and we’re about 300 miles from Albuquerque. You can use this as a base to find a place to live.” It was such a comfort to have a place to land, a friendly welcome waiting. A Bible verse I learned as a child captures my experience: “Your word is a lamp unto my feet, a light unto my path.” The small, Aladdin-like oil lamps of history cast only enough light to reveal the next step on the path. But that’s all we need when we have faith. We take the step revealed. Then the light shows the next step.
The next step was a trip to Albuquerque to find a place to live. Since going there was a major investment, (a 600-mile round-trip, 10 hours of driving, a hotel stay), I prepared by researching online – everything from monthly motel rentals to apartments for lease and real estate for sale.
Real estate for sale. I met Donna with RE/MAX when I made an appointment to see three of her listings. I prescreened them by driving by the day before. I liked the style, but not the location, of one property which backed to a busy street. I drove around the small neighborhood and wrote down the address of another home in a better location. Donna also had keys to the home of a friend who wanted to rent it. After we looked at the house for sale, she drove directly to her friend’s rental. It was the same house whose address I’d written down the day before! This began a cascade of synchronicities. We sat down to talk at her Open House. We discovered shared metaphysical beliefs. We had both completed the same personal growth programs. We had similar goals. When she asked what brought me to New Mexico, I described the spiritual pull in greater detail, “Some kind of healing work, perhaps connected with Dying Consciously, possibly taking a course on the energy medicine of the shaman of the Americas with Alberto Villoldo - ‘Healing the Light Body.’ ” “I’ve done that,” Donna said.
A week later, Donna called to say she woke up that morning with an idea about where I could live. A friend who owned a single-storey, Pueblo-style, adobe home with a secret garden sometimes rented out a room. She described the home I want to own. Would I consider that? Yes. Then she would talk with her at dinner that night and let me know the next day. Donna thought it would be a good match since we were the same age, both “interesting,” both metaphysical thinkers. The owner was from England, where I had visited several times, an artist who made jewelry. The intention I set for my New Mexico life, while still in California, was that it would be filled with culture – art, music, theater, writing. The owner didn’t hesitate. Neither did I. We both trusted Donna’s intuition enough to move forward. “There’s one thing I didn’t tell you,” Donna said. “She bought the house with an inheritance from her aunt.” I will be buying a home with an inheritance from my aunt. I met Claire (“Light”) when I moved in and have now been here three months, eating breakfast on the garden patio beneath towering ash trees, watching hummingbirds and bees buzz the sunflowers, hollyhocks, and wisteria-draped gate next to the coyote fencing. When I lie in bed, I look up at open, wood-beam ceilings (vigas and latillas), imagining myself in my own pueblo-style New Mexico home. Head east. Toward the light.
so surely with us,
there is a voice within,
if only we would listen to it,
that tells us certainly
when to go forth
into the unknown.
I began packing the last week of December 2010, and moved from Santa Barbara to Tustin February 1, 2011, to stay with a friend for an agreed-upon four months. There, I rested, recovered, studied for the New Mexico broker’s exam. At first, I wasn’t aware of how much I needed the rest and recovery. But I did. My son and I had just spent sixteen months traveling back and forth to the ICU at UCLA’s medical center for his melanoma treatment. He’s fine now – in the 15% of the population who respond to Interleukin2. Only near the end of my stay did I understand my deep need to read, sleep, nap, watch TV. I realized I was recovering from PTSD, post-traumatic stress. When I passed the New Mexico broker’s exam, and the four months were up, it was clearly time to move on. Where? East. That’s all I knew.
Why Albuquerque? I felt a “calling” or spiritual “pull” to go there. The original catalyst was a real estate client with plans to build there. He offered me the listings if I would relocate. I visited twice to look at property and attend a writer’s conference. Life’s complications have made his plans uncertain, but I left Santa Barbara knowing I was to go whether he did or not. Faith. Major faith. I have not lived outside California for 64 years and have never lived so far from my 36-year-old son.
East. Head east – toward the light. About two weeks before leaving Tustin, I learned where I was going. While talking with a friend in Arizona, she said, “Why don’t you stay here? I have an extra room, a freezer full of food, and we’re about 300 miles from Albuquerque. You can use this as a base to find a place to live.” It was such a comfort to have a place to land, a friendly welcome waiting. A Bible verse I learned as a child captures my experience: “Your word is a lamp unto my feet, a light unto my path.” The small, Aladdin-like oil lamps of history cast only enough light to reveal the next step on the path. But that’s all we need when we have faith. We take the step revealed. Then the light shows the next step.
The next step was a trip to Albuquerque to find a place to live. Since going there was a major investment, (a 600-mile round-trip, 10 hours of driving, a hotel stay), I prepared by researching online – everything from monthly motel rentals to apartments for lease and real estate for sale.
Real estate for sale. I met Donna with RE/MAX when I made an appointment to see three of her listings. I prescreened them by driving by the day before. I liked the style, but not the location, of one property which backed to a busy street. I drove around the small neighborhood and wrote down the address of another home in a better location. Donna also had keys to the home of a friend who wanted to rent it. After we looked at the house for sale, she drove directly to her friend’s rental. It was the same house whose address I’d written down the day before! This began a cascade of synchronicities. We sat down to talk at her Open House. We discovered shared metaphysical beliefs. We had both completed the same personal growth programs. We had similar goals. When she asked what brought me to New Mexico, I described the spiritual pull in greater detail, “Some kind of healing work, perhaps connected with Dying Consciously, possibly taking a course on the energy medicine of the shaman of the Americas with Alberto Villoldo - ‘Healing the Light Body.’ ” “I’ve done that,” Donna said.
A week later, Donna called to say she woke up that morning with an idea about where I could live. A friend who owned a single-storey, Pueblo-style, adobe home with a secret garden sometimes rented out a room. She described the home I want to own. Would I consider that? Yes. Then she would talk with her at dinner that night and let me know the next day. Donna thought it would be a good match since we were the same age, both “interesting,” both metaphysical thinkers. The owner was from England, where I had visited several times, an artist who made jewelry. The intention I set for my New Mexico life, while still in California, was that it would be filled with culture – art, music, theater, writing. The owner didn’t hesitate. Neither did I. We both trusted Donna’s intuition enough to move forward. “There’s one thing I didn’t tell you,” Donna said. “She bought the house with an inheritance from her aunt.” I will be buying a home with an inheritance from my aunt. I met Claire (“Light”) when I moved in and have now been here three months, eating breakfast on the garden patio beneath towering ash trees, watching hummingbirds and bees buzz the sunflowers, hollyhocks, and wisteria-draped gate next to the coyote fencing. When I lie in bed, I look up at open, wood-beam ceilings (vigas and latillas), imagining myself in my own pueblo-style New Mexico home. Head east. Toward the light.
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